UVA Iron III ’19

Team Name UVA Iron III
School UVA Alumni
Location A wedding, if anyone asks
Division Regular
Captains  Ryan and Ikenna
Team Color Rainbow never fades
Team Mascot Olive the cat that lives in our AirBnb
Team 90s TV Show Golden Girls
Team Song Hearing Nas is making a comeback on TikTok. Good sign for us.
Distance to Charlottesville, VA  Far from the shallow now
Player Roster

11L Tim C. – OF 11L Steve C – P
11 L Paul F. – UT 10L Ikenna A. – P
10L Doug H. – IF
10L Brett L. – IF
10L Jim P. – OF
10L Dan S. – IF
10L Ryan T. – IF 10L Terrel U – IF 9L Steve R. – OF 8L Nick B. – UT   Chris D. – Career-ending injury Alex T – Paternity Leave Ben M. – Ducked our calls Kendall H – Firm found out last year wasn’t a work trip Matt H. – Man of the woods
Star Players Nick tipped off the cops about Robert Kraft and the Orchids of Asia.   Steve defected after he brought down the Halo Top alumni team from the inside as a whistleblower — turns out it never tasted any good.   Jim’s wife won’t read this, so it’s probably safe to confirm he noted his Grand Slam in last year’s tournament is the biggest his past year. In other news, congratulations to Jim on the recent birth of his first child.
Law Review Nerds Firm Partners None yet, but Terrell and Brett are well on their way.  Ryan and Dan? Their firms definitely value their contributions.
Team History We all met at UVA in the early 2010s, bonding over how our parents got us in via phony softball scholarship “side doors.”  (Had a great thing going before a few washed up celebrities got reckless).    Fast forward to the 2018 tournament, closer to our 10th year reunion than our 5th, our left fielder blew up his knee in the first inning of our first game. You could say we rallied around his memory on our path to the finals, but getting the lineup down to 10 probably had as much to do with it… We made the championship game is what we’re trying to say. This year we’re the last UVA alumni team standing. As the old saying goes, it’s better to hang around one year too long than to heed the advice of creaking bodies and crying children.
Practice Regimen Doug has been practicing the “floss” dance for a while now.  He knows it’s a bad look but it’s tough for a child actor to change his stripes.
Want To Play Against  FSU. A whole team of Florida Men? Imagine the possibilities.
DON’T Want To Play Against   UVA Gold. You can see it in their eyes. They’ve taken out loans to go to law school because they didn’t know what else to do.  They’re not truly interested in this career, don’t really know what they’re in store for and they don’t want to know. At the very least this is a 3-year delay on adulthood.  Softball is the refuge.  They can justify minmal investment in their expensive education by living it up their last days.  It comforts them.  This is all they have.
Favorite Things About The Tournament That it’s still going in year 36 despite remaining on the precipice of cancellation due to townie revolt.
The Tournament Would Be More Awesome If All three of our Saturday games weren’t on the turf. Oh yea, and RADAR GUN!
Anecdotes Tim plans to buttress his solo C’ville practice by using the tournament to dabble in a little bounty hunting.  He’s pretty sure many of the returning athletes have outstanding warrants in Virginia from last year’s shenanigans.   Paul hit over .600 last tournament he played in but fell flat on his face in his lone attempt for a double.  He’s like Ichiro without the speed, grace, flexibility, hidden power, humor, good looks…. (trails off)   The author of this profile  is sitting next to Criminal Law professor Rachel Harmon in the airport, and given her connections to law enforcement and the contraband in his luggage, he’s nervous to say the least.    “Terry” is our team mascot.  We’re also big fans of his goldendoodle Copeley.