Syracuse Orange ’19

Team Name Syracuse Orange (We had to)
School Syracuse University College of Law [the Harvard of Central New York]
Location Syracuse (Siberia), NY
Division Co-Rec? #Equality
Captains Ben “The Natural” Millard, Steve “Hops” Eychner
Team Color Orange…but we got blue on
Team Mascot Alfred “Big Al” Delia
Team 90s TV Show Saved by the Bell (Mark Paul Gosselaar is our spirit animal)
Team Song The Cheap Seats—Alabama
Distance to Charlottesville, VA 456 Miles
Player Roster
John “Thunder from Down Junder” Underhill Gardar “Icelandic Fury” Olafsson Jake “Snake in the Grass” Schorlemmer Erika “Hardcore Parkour” Simonson Maddie “I’m Only Here So I Don’t Get Fined” Sheffield Aubre “Dream Crusher” Dean Julia “The Chief” Wingfield Mike “Big Daddy” Whittaker Steve “Hops” Eychner Adam “Tall GMac“ Carey Evan “International Man of Mystery” Pfeifer Ben “The Natural” Millard
Star Players Ben Millard and Erika Simonson
Law Review Nerds Aubre Dean, Maddie Sheffield, Erika Simonson and Julia Wingfield Who run the world?
Team History The crack commando unit—wanted for questioning by the Syracuse Compliance Office for a school athletic violation they did not commit (…thanks Frank)—led by the two-time regular season winning flag football team/expired NCAA eligibility all-stars, Ruth Bader Winsburg, decided to apply our flag football playing ability to softball. So we banded together, picked up some players (huge shout out to Maddie Sheffield and Julia Wingfield who helped us meet our team GPA requirement), tried to get some free Nike gear (thanks Michael Avenatti and Evan Pheifer), went on the lamb finding phenom Jake Schorlemmer (fun fact: he was Dennis Quaid’s stunt-double in “The Rookie”), and traveled in Mike Whittaker’s van down to Charlottesville to solve T-14’s ongoing problem of not having fun…and play a little softball. (cue the A-Team music)
Practice Regimen Dingers, Rocky 4 montage-esque workouts, and an unhealthy dose of ACC basketball
Want To Play Against Baylor…rematch?
DON’T Want To Play Against Zion Williamson…Jay Billas got him into Duke Law, right?
Favorite Thing About The Tournament Leaving Syracuse (you’d understand if you’ve even been there)
The Tournament Would Be More Awesome If The Seventh Inning Stretch was a game of Dizzy Bat or if Mike Trout showed up and told us he would use some of his $430 million to pay our law school loans.
Anecdotes Up-and-coming prospect Maddie Sheffield has been clocked at 85 mph… underhand (girl has a cannon)   After working with his batting coaches (Jon Gould—Penn Law, Zach Small—Brooklyn Law) this summer, Ben Millard hopes to improve his batting average to .250 (up from .125 last year).   Aubre Dean and Julia Wingfield took time out of the team’s Rocky 4 Montage-esque workouts to win an appellate argument in front of the Supreme Court. Player/Coach Erika Simonson is returning from sustaining an injury while competing on American Ninja Warrior, where she took third place.   Adam Carey is taking time from his quest to clear Frank Howard’s name.   Steve Eychner is actively trying to recruit newest Syracuse Met Tim “Jesus was a Gator” Tebow to the Syracuse University College of Law class of 2022. J ake and Junder have taught former Ballard High School quarterback Gardar Olafsson how to hold a bat and have been impressed by his Bo Jackson-esque ability to throw people out at home from the warning track.   Poet Laurite Mike Whittaker’s thoughts on softball: “We won a game yesterday, if we win one today that’s two in a row. If we win one tomorrow that’s called a winning streak. It has happened before. SO LET’S SEE SOME HUSTLE!”