| Team Name | CO-REC AMERICA |
| School | THE University of Virginia School of Law |
| Location | Charlottesville |
| Division | Co-Rec |
| Captains | Dascher Pasco, Laura Gregory |
| Team Color | NOT ORANGE |
| Team Mascot | Dionysus |
| Team 90s TV Show | Golden Girls |
| Team Song | Pony – Ginuwine |
| Distance to Charlottesville, VA | 0.00 Nautical Miles |
| Player Roster | |
| Dascher Pasco, Queen of the James, Mother of Dragonflies
Laura “Does Not Wait in Lines at the Biltmore” Gregory Latif “Does Not Belong on This Team” Alashe Abby “Spitfire” Meredith Amanda “My Dad Can Outdrink My Boyfriend, Your Boyfriend, and All Your Sorry Asses” Stanzione Ariella Stepanian, Most Likely to Tab and Highlight Her Beach Reader Avia “Has to Call Her Mom About Her Credit Score” Gridi Becca Kimmel, Here for the Jersey Jules Vargo, Can’t Operate a Sliding Glass Door Christine Sherman, 99 Pounds of Steel Clayton “Third Time . . . Cool?” Bailey Colette McNeela, Will whip a battery at you . . . Do not mess. Curt “[PISTOL] WHIPPED” Hart Silly Ethan Allen Goldman Sachs Joanna “Side Eye” Kelly “Spaghetti Legs” Ryan Leonard Liesel Schapira, sry boys, she may have split custody over her dog, but she’s not on the market |
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| Star Players | Coco McNeela: When she’s done with us, direct your team to her for marching orders.
Stanz: Assuming she has fully recovered from being body slammed by Mountain at Thursday night drunk league. It was two years ago, but he is BIG DUDE. |
| Law Review Nerds | DC Clay, Sachs |
| Team History | Dear Diary: Ethan told me he teaches people ‘real life.’ He said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? He said, yes. I said, you’re beautiful. |
| Practice Regimen | There are 500 cals in a bottle of Crosé. You burn 600 in one hour at Zoom. You do the math. |
| Want To Play Against | UVA alums who think they can outdrink us (and they probably can) |
| DON’T Want To Play Against | Cornell – but thankfully our captains are in charge of the tournament, and they took care of that |
| Favorite Thing About The Tournament | Screaming RTR like it’s goddam T-Town at Virg and knockin’ Georgetown chicks off tables. |
| The Tournament Would Be More Awesome If | The boys from Georgia were all single |
| Anecdotes | That time Dascher and Laura got locked in the office at the Park for 72 hours and then got shackled to this lovely tournament for another five thousand twenty-five hundred six hundred minutes. We all really appreciated it. |
